A sad day for Texas on Big Brother 15

texas our texas

texas our texas (Photo credit: jmtimages)

During the summer, it’s chick lit and reality TV for me from June to September.  I’m certainly not claiming I completely avoid chick lit and reality TV the rest of the year, but there is definitely a level of restraint that gets completely abandoned during the summer.

MasterChef and Hell’s Kitchen are always on the top of my summer watch list. If you haven’t seen Princesses Long Island yet then get to a TV stat.  This year, I decided to watch Big Brother again after a three summer hiatus.

Episode #1 begins with the introduction to the cast and I’m super excited to see that four of the house guests are fellow Texans.  That means 25% of the contestants hail from the Lone Star State (I have pretty amazing math skills…if you are a 4th grader).

Well, by the end of the episode #1, I was skeptical about the ability of these four to represent our state And by the end of last night’s episode, I was considering moving somewhere more progressive and with a better educational system maybe Appalachia.

In all fairness, all four are not idiots – three of them definitely are, one could go either way at this point. The song says “The stars at night are big and bright. Deep in the heart of Texas.” Well, bright is not an adjective that will EVER be used to describe 75% of these Texans (4th grade math skills rule again).

I won’t bore you with a run down on all the scheming and machinations going on inside the BB house. Instead to prove my point, I will share a few gems from these three rocket scientists (NASA also calls Texas home, but it’s a sure bet that NASA will not be calling these geniuses anytime soon).

Jeremy –Boat Shop Associate

“I really embrace my Cherokee side.” He later makes the stereotypical Native American war-whoop sound using his hand and his mouth. You know the one that most Native Americans find offensive.  Way to embrace that heritage.

“We’re just vibin,’ we’re meshin,’ we got a good chemical vibe.”  What a romantic. He’s single so get in line, ladies.

“I’m not tryin’ to cause the boo boo stains…I’m a Cherokee. I need a new teepee. I’m about to throw spears at buffalo.” I’m not even sure what he is attempting to say here.

Aaryn – College Student

Most of her statements are so offensive that I cannot and will not repeat them. Let’s just say this little racist homophobe will have a hard time re-entering the real world after her time in the BB house is done. She does like to wear blue though because it gets her compliments on her eyes.  Her savvy fashion sense paired with her high cultural awareness might lead this little yellow rose of Texas to a job at the mall someday.

Jessie – Unemployed

“I am a leader and I feel that most people should wise up and follow my lead more often.  I love to be better than everybody else… I was captain of the cheerleading squad in junior high.”  She’s 25 and junior high was her big achievement. Do I really have to say anything else?

If you watch Big Brother this season, please don’t make these three the standard by which you judge our fair state. Most of us do not peak in junior high and not all of us fear people who are different from us,  y’all.